Archive for January 2012

Feeling Nostalgic   1 comment

Just a bit over 2 years ago, my mom was finally no longer suffering or in pain, although she left the rest of us here to miss her.  There are so many times I find out something I want to tell her, or even ask her.  You could say, I think of her pretty often.  Anyway, after she’d been gone a few months, on a visit home to see dad, he gave me her jewelry box.  I always loved playing in her stuff when I was a little girl, and more than caring about what was inside, it was the nostalgia of sitting on her bed and playing in her jewelry while she let me, that I cared most about.

Well, I’ve gone through it a few times since then.  Thinking of her, and how she really didn’t wear a lot of it later in life.  She was in such bad health, and arthritis had crippled her so much, she just couldn’t work the jewelry to get it on.  She has a few pieces in her jewelry box that I really like, and up until now, have not worn.  I guess I’ve been afraid to lose them or damage them.  But yesterday, I decided to get out my jewelry cleaner and clean up a pair of earrings in there, that I thought were very pretty.  I didn’t really study them to find out if they were silver, white gold, avon, or whatever.  But, they are still really pretty, and the only thing is, the kind of closure they have, I couldn’t work on my own!  Do you have any idea how many years it’s been since I’ve had to ask for help with putting on any kind of jewelry?  I hardly wear any myself- other than my wedding ring, and earrings, I pretty much stopped wearing anything else.  And I usually never change my earrings, keeping in the same 2 pair for years now.  I ended up asking Steve to help me put them in yesterday, and he got them clipped with no problem.  I worry about the clip not holding, but they stayed in well overnight.

currently broken

I wore them all day at work, but decided to take them out tonight to inspect them closer.  Well, one of the hooks came out and now I can’t put it back in.  Steve, my always hero, said he’d take them to work tomorrow so he could look under the microscope to see the holes and put the wire back through and close it off for me.   I’ve been thinking if a jeweler could change the kind of hook / closure on this to something a bit easier to handle.. but I just don’t know if I want to really alter it.  In any case, I did enjoy wearing them today, and will hopefully get to wear them again soon.

lil ol' me

 

And here’s a pic of me at about the age of 5.. right around the time I actually started playing in mom’s jewelry.  In some ways, I still feel like the lil girl, wanting to play dress up with mom’s stuff.  I honestly don’t know where the blonde came from- my hair is sooo dark now!  So, this post was more or less me thinking of mom, and not much else.  Hey, I never said I was interesting.

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Posted January 30, 2012 by Meg's Simple Life in life in general

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So, there you are..   Leave a comment

It’s been since the beginning of the month.. hell, the beginning of the year, that I last wrote in my own blog.  I’m terrible at keeping up with this thing, but I thought it was time I posted some kind of update.  So.. where to begin.  I guess, where I left off.. New Years..

My diabetes is still pretty much out of control.  Well, I can thank the constant eating of duncan hines or betty crocker cakes that my daughter asked me to buy so she could bake, and I could then make meals out of.  I do love me some cake.  Hello, who doesn’t like cake??  And that bike that dear hubby brought home for me, I’ve been on about 5x in all.  I want to, but damn I’m tired when we get home from work.  3 hours in a tin can truck, 5 days a week, on top of an 8.5 hour day at work, and up 2 hours before we have to leave for work.  I just want to collapse when I get home.  I don’t even want dinner.  I don’t even like my family when I get home, asking me “what’s for dinner?”.. most nights I’d like to tell them where they can take their hunger and stuff it, I’m tired.  So, some nights, I’ll cook something quick & ez (unhealthy), or make something that is cooked from refrigerated or frozen (even easier and probably even more unhealthy), or order out.  Yea, as you can see, all bad choices.  I feel like we can all say, stick a fork in her, she’s done.  Overall, I’m not really as unhappy as I sound right now, it’s just.. it is what it is.  I’m glad I at least like my job and it doesn’t make me dread the next day coming.  Been there, done that.. please, never again.  Otherwise, the 3 hours of torture in travel everyday, would be more than enough to tip the scales for me into saying the hell with making money and paying the bills, and putting food on the table.

How about something that makes us all happier!?  Fur babies!  As in, we are getting a new kitty, very very soon!  Her name is Lacy, and she is super adorable.

Lacy

You know it, I'm cute!

See what I mean?  CUTENESS.  Fluffy puffy furball of joy.  She is just about ready to leave mom & siblings, and we will have her next week!  I just hope the other fur babies take to her fairly quick.  When we brought in the last 2, Peaches & Ginger, the older female here, kinda took to mothering them.  I’m hoping this ends similarly, and they all get along as well.

Then, just when you think everything is going right and moving forward.. your tv dies.  Your awesome 55″ projection monster of a tv.  It was sudden.. no warning.. just dead.  We ended up going to one of those rent to own places on Friday night, after work, to “check out what they had” and by Saturday morning, we had in our possession, a new 60″ hdtv.  Guess what?  Our cable, gets hdtv channels.. but our cable box, doesn’t have the right connectors to get the hdtv signal.  See Steve turn red in frustration as he fights with it, only to realize, we NEED a new cable box.  And our cable office is never open on Saturdays.  And as he told the “person” on the comcast website.. “we work for a living.. send us a new box, we can’t sit at home to wait for someone, or get to the office during their business hours of 9-5, when we don’t get home until 6 or later.”  So, they are UPS’ing a new cable box to us.. I have no idea when it will get here.  And you know the great thing about getting a new tv?  You find out a lot of your other shit, is old.  As in, it’s becoming increasingly difficult to add our components to the tv (things like, vcr, dvd, & home theatre).  It may be time to update our home theatre system soon.. AFTER some other stuff is paid off.. like the new tv of awesomeness.

We're working on the setup of things still.

And because we love our fur babies so much, we got them some new furniture a couple weeks ago..

ImageImage

They love it, and have repeatedly torn the feather toys off of it in a frenzy, much like a shark after a tasty treat.  Fortunately, the toys are replaceable.  Someone was thinking ahead when they made these towers!

So, summing up, life is same ol’ same ol’, kitties are teh awesomeness, and technology is a pain in the rear.  My weekend is over half over, and laundry isn’t gonna do itself.  Damn.  LATERS!

Posted January 29, 2012 by Meg's Simple Life in fur babies, life in general, technology

It’s a new year   4 comments

*disclaimer* this is a slightly lengthy rant and not all that rosy.  It’s a personal struggle, and I’m really ok, most of the time, but I wanted to document this now, to hopefully find a difference in myself- later on.

 

And I don’t really do “resolutions”.  Because that’s the last thing I need, is to break a promise to myself.  Someone who has always had a hard time liking and accepting herself for who she is, doesn’t need to be breaking promises to make it even worse.  Instead, I’ll just say, I’m tired of the way I feel, and I hope somehow I can make it different.  My type 2 diabetes is kicking my ass, as in, I feel like shit, because it’s running amok, even when I take more meds than I’m supposed to, and deprive myself of food for long periods of time because my sugars are too high.  It’s as though my meds aren’t doing anything the past week, and I *really* don’t want to do insulin.  *shudder* at the thought of needles. So, Steve, being the caring hubby that he is, found a friend getting rid of basically, a brand new exercise bike.  He brought it home for ME.  I got on it one night for 5 minutes, and wanted to DIE.  Ok, so in case you’re not aware, I’m 41, live a very sedentary life, and carry about 100 pounds too much for my body to carry.  Walking the stairs at home, is hard enough, let alone climbing on a bike and pedaling even slowly for 5 minutes, I thought I was going to give myself a heart attack.

So, yesterday, I was hitting rock bottom.. my sugars were so out of control from the time I woke up, I was in tears.  I cried on and off all day, was crabby & miserable to be around.  I tried so hard to just eat “safe” things, and my sugar would still remain jacked up.  I was simply going to just have to not eat.  And I was HUNGRY.  Dinner time arrives, and we had decided on pizza & wings.  Steve told me, eat a lot of wings, they’d be safer than the pizza, and you like wings.  Yea, I like wings, some, but I WANT pizza.  *sigh*  He tells me, spend 10 minutes on the bike before dinner, he just bets my sugar will come down like 30 points.  bwahahahahaha!  So, I got on, put on some music, and nearly died at 12 minutes in.  I wanted to stop at 4 minutes, but just kept going, even though I thought my heart was going to pound right out of my chest.  So, after 12 minutes, my sugars came down a whole whopping 12 points!  Woooooooo.  So, dinner arrives, I take 1 very small slice of pizza, and ate about 12 wings.  I really wasn’t enjoying the wings.  I usually have around 4 wings and a 2-3 slices of pizza.  But I knew the pizza was going to make it worse.  So, I avoided it, kept eating wings.  And drowning myself in water.  Oh, did I mention, I drank about 10 bottles of water yesterday?  That’s a record for me.  All it did, was make me pee more- and did not even make me a tiny bit less hungry.  Tummy growl, chug a bottle of water.  Nope, didn’t work.  Finally, about 8:30pm last night, I gave up.  I was so damn hungry, I couldn’t take it anymore, I took a slice of pizza.  And about 10pm, I grabbed 4 oreos.  Considering the fact that all I’d had to eat all day was that, the dinner earlier, and 2 eggs & 2 peanut granola bars all day long.. I’d say I’d not eaten very much at all.  I didn’t even want to know my sugar before bed last night.  This morning, before even coffee, I checked it, and while not where I’d like it to be, it’s at least my previous morning averages than the super jacked up ones.  But, afraid to eat, still.  I just *know* it’s going to be a mess once I take my first bite of anything.  So, food has become my enemy, and my body hates me, about as much as I have always hated me.

That’s hard to admit openly.  A few people have heard me say it, but I don’t think most people realize the amount of self loathing I’ve carried around most of my life.  I’m not worthy, I’m not smart, I’m not pretty, I’m not an over achieving awesome mom.  What I am is lazy, boring, fat, and ugly on the outside.  What I lack in love & respect of myself, I make up for in love for my family & friends.  They do mean the world to me.  And it is for them, that I continue to fight myself to be better.  I can put on a pretty good face most days, and get through it, but at the end of the day, I’m still just fighting myself.

So, I will be getting on that damn exercise bike until I can’t take it anymore today.  Maybe I’ll actually make it 15 minutes today.  If I can’t, I know I’ll probably beat myself up over it, but there’s always tomorrow, and the next day, and the next day..

 

Posted January 1, 2012 by Meg's Simple Life in life in general

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